


Why Did He Do This?

by RandomFujoshi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Can't really comfort the dead though, Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Flashbacks, Foreshadowing, Gotta catch it though, He seemed happy, Hinata's suicide is a mystery, Masturbation, Multi, Rape and Torture in Future Chapters, So Wrong It's Right, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Tapes, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFujoshi/pseuds/RandomFujoshi
Summary: Hinata committed suicide, and no one knows why yet.Kageyama is mentally brokenThe team is mentally deteriorating





	1. Why?

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T OWN HAIKYUU  
> Hopefully you enjoy, although i'm probably gonna rip your hearts out by the time the 5th chapter is out hehe

Hinata was sitting on the edge of the bridge, smoking a cigarette. The team was riding back from a practice game in their bus, when they saw him. “Stop right here”, Daichi said to the driver. The bus stopped, and the team got out the bus. “Hinata? Is that you?”. Hinata brought the cigarette to his lips and took a puff. He blew the smoke out and turned his face to the team. His cheeks were tear stained and his eyes were red and watery. More tears ran down his cheek. He turned back around, continuing to smoke the cigarette. 

 

Kageyama emerged from the back of their group. “I don’t think you should be smoking that Hinata, I mean we can’t make it to nationals if you’re in the hospital with a lung disease”. Hinata let out a laugh. Not a happy laugh, but a I’m dead inside laugh. This sent chills up the team’s spines. “You’re right Bakayama”, Hinata said flicking the cigarette into the water beneath the bridge. Hinata stood up on the ledge of the bridge. No one understood the situation. Hinata had never been seen crying like this, or acting like this. “H-Hinata what are you doing”, Kageyama said in a worried tone. More tears rolled down Hinata’s cheeks. “Save me a toss Tobio”, Hinata said letting himself fall backwards and off of the bridge. “HINATA!”. Kageyama ran to the edge of bridge, hoping there was still a chance to save his friend. He was too late. Kageyama did make it in time to see Hinata smiling, as he hit the rocks in the river. The water turned red. 

Everyone around broke down, not sure what they just witnessed. Even Tsukkishima was hollering, and chanting ‘WAKE UP’. Kageyama tried to hop in the river and save Hinata, but Daichi and Sugawara used their strength to stop him. “I-I HAVE TO GET HINATA! LET ME GO!”. It took the entire team to pry Kageyama off the bridge. No one could get Kageyama to calm down. 

“LET ME GO, I HAVE TO SAVE HIM” 

“PLEASE, I HAVE TO!” 

“HINATA, HINATA, HINATA” 

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE” 

“AAAAHHHH” 

“IT WAS SO RED, TOO RED! I NEED HINATA! I HAVE TO GET HIM BACK” 

The truth was Hinata was dead. They found out he died as soon as his skull hit the rocks. It was instant, and mostly painless (well at least that’s what the doctors told them). It was 7:00 when they first saw Hinata at the bridge. It was now 9:00 and Hinata was dead. It was Friday, so they had the weekend to get themselves under control. Kageyama needed more than just a weekend. He saw everything. From the moment Hinata jumped to the moment the water was stained a bloody terrifying red. He didn’t save Hinata. He didn’t even know there was a problem. The team went to Kageyama’s house. He looked terrible. He hadn’t washed since that Friday night, and he was so pale. He told them to leave every time they showed up. Kageyama even stabbed his volleyball with a knife and threw it outside. His parents were always out on business trips, so no one could force him to go to school that Monday. 

Kageyama was grieving, and he was grieving hard. He didn’t bother come to school at all that week. Well until he got a call from Coach Ukai. Kageyama missed the first three calls, but answered the fourth time. “The hell do you want”, He said in monotone. “We have some things that are marked with your name. H-Hinata left a box in his locker for you” 

Kageyama jumped. He hung up before Coach Ukai could answer, and put clothes on. He didn’t bother shower or do his hair. He just threw on sweatpants and a hoodie. He rode his bike to the gym, pedaling so fast the chain could pop any second. He looked like shit, but the team didn’t bother mention it. Kageyama walked right past everyone, and straight to Coach. “Where” is all Kageyama said. Coach Ukai guided Kageyama to the locker room. Kageyama almost burst out in tears when he saw Hinata’s locker. Coach Ukai had a hurt look on his face, as he opened it. Coach Ukai pulled out a big beige box with one word on it, ‘BAKAGEYAMA’. Kageyama lost his composure. He burst out in tears. Coach Ukai didn’t know how to comfort him. 

~Sugawara’s POV~ 

Kageyama didn’t bother speak to us. He just walked in the gym. He looked horrible. His eyes were baggy and red, like he hadn’t slept in days. His hair looked like he hadn’t brushed it since Friday. He had on some grey sweatpants and a navy blue hoodie. It took everything in me not to walk up to him, because I knew he didn’t want that. He walked up to Coach Ukai. He said the first word I’d heard him say since Friday night, “Where”. Coach Ukai took him into the locker room. No one on the court moved, still too upset to go into the locker room and see what they were talking about. A minute or two passed, before crying could be heard. Coach Ukai popped his head out of the locker room door. “Sugawara”, Coach Ukai said and then gestured for me to go in with him.   

~3rd Person POV~ 

Sugawara walked in the locker room. Suga saw Kageyama, sitting on the floor sobbing. Next to Kageyama was a medium sized beige box with the word ‘BAKAGEYAMA’ on it. Sugawara sat down next to Kageyama, and let him cry into his shoulder. “It- it hurts so bad Suga! I-I don’t understand!  I j-just want to see him again”. The two talked, mostly Sugawara, and Coach Ukai sat there waiting. Kageyama finally stopped crying. “The box is locked Kageyama, but we could use a crow bar to get it open if you want”. Kageyama shook his head no. “I-I have the key”. Kageyama was wearing a thin silver necklace with a key on the end. He showed Coach and Suga. Kageyama got off the floor and dusted himself off.  

“If you want to talk again Kageyama, just call me. No matter what time it is, I’ll answer okay?”, Suga said rubbing Kageyama’s back. Sugawara knew how much Hinata meant to Kageyama, even if they argued a lot. Kageyama walked out the locker room, with Sugawara and Coach Ukai following behind them. Kageyama went straight outside, avoiding eye contact with the team. The redness of his cheeks, and how watery his eyes were made it apparent to everyone that Kageyama had been crying. 

Kageyama went home, it was harder to get home because he held the box in his left hand. He walked into his house, and sat the box down on his dresser. He stared at it for 30 minutes before finally opening it. The box was probably old, because it made a loud Creak sound. Inside was a large stack of photo’s, a DVD inside a case, a lighter, and a folded piece of paper. First Kageyama read the letter. 

_“Daer Kags,_  
 _I’m not sure if your mad at me for killing myself or not, but that doesnt matter. If ur reading this im dead. Im proably happy, but maybe im not. Maybe im in hell, I deserve to be. Im a bad son, worse brother, and all I do is cause problems for the team. Hopfuly you find a use for the pics, and the video. U mite wanna watch the video alone, becaus its just for you to see (and its embarassing). Love you Kags!”_  
 _“_ dumbass, dumbASS, DUMBASS, DUMBASS”, Kageyama said while reading the letter _. “Love you Kags!”._ That part made Kageyama start crying again. He still can’t spell, the dumbass, Kageyama thought to himself. “I love you too Hinata”, He said aloud. Kageyama hooked up the DVD player to the TV in his room. The video started _._

_"Uh, Hi Kageyama, well that’s if you actually wanted to see this. I know you’re probably mad at me, but I can’t say I’m sorry for killing myself. It sounds nice, to be dead. No one can yell at me, and my father can’t hurt me. I’d have to wait to see you there though. That’s the only bad part. I can wait though it’ll be cool to see you when we’re both dead. You could toss to me again…………Anyways, this video is mainly so I can get my feelings sorted out. I can say and do things I want to do, but don’t because I’d be embarrassed to do it in front of you. First off, I really like you. Not friend like, but ‘sometimes I jerk off to thoughts about you’ like. I know it’s weird but I just like it better when I think about you. I’m scared to tell you that because you might stop tossing to me. Stop the video now if you don’t like me like that.........I don’t expect you to continue to watch but if you are, Hi! Sometimes I touch myself and pretend it’s you, which is weird, but I can’t stop myself. It-I just like it. I wish I had the guts to tell you that, but I do sound like a pervert. If you think that’s weird and don’t want to see me, um doing it, then stop the video now………Okay if you’re still watching then here I go”. Hinata took his pants off, and he left his underwear on. He pulled his cock out. He put a sleep mask on and put a little bit of lotion on his hands. He began rubbing himself up and down. “aaahhh, Kageyama. That- aaahh”. Hinata started moaning. “R-right there aahh”. Hinata rubbed himself faster. His moans grew louder, and became more consistent. He continuously called Kageyama’s name. “AAAAAHHH YES! MORE TOBIO! I’M GONNA CU- “. Before Hinata could get his words out, he came. White spouted from the tip of his dick. He took the sleep mask off his face.  “I know I’m weird and all, but maybe you don’t mind. Maybe you think it’s okay to feel like this every day at practice, watching you toss. Nevermind, you probably think I’m a fag and I need help, Bye”, Hinata said turning off the camera with a pained look._

In real life Kageyama was jerking off with Hinata, calling his name equally loud as he picked up the pace. He came seconds after seeing Hinata cum. Now his dick was out, and he was screaming at the TV. “I LOVE YOU DUMBASS, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE”. Kageyama burst into tears again. “I-I want to feel you”, He said rubbing his hand over the screen of the television. He continued crying, which is why he didn’t hear the first three knocks at his door. “Kageyama, please open the door!”, Suga said worried that the raven haired setter committed suicide.    
Kageyama swung the door open, face still red from crying. “You’ve gotten so skinny Kageyama, you should eat”, Daichi said walking in. The entire team walked in, followed by Coach Ukai. “Not hungry”, Kageyama said in response to Daichi. They were all carrying groceries. “We’re cooking anyway Kageyama”, Coach Ukai said. Kageyama didn’t have the energy to argue. He just went to his room and locked the door.    
“He looks really bad Daichi”, Sugawara said getting out the eggs. “Well he needs comforting. He was closest with…H-Hinata and he watched the entire thing, because he was by the ledge. If anything he needs his friends to guide him, and make him feel better”, Daichi said chopping vegetables. They were making pork curry buns. “Hell Daichi, I haven’t even gotten over it, so how do we just stop and build him up?”, Nishinoya asked. “Well, Kageyama needs it more. He hasn’t had many friends so the fact that someone he was getting so close to did…this, He just can’t comprehend”. Tsukishima agreed with Daichi, and so did everyone else.  

Kageyama was in his room. Talking to the hallucination Hinata. He’d taken so many painkillers that he began hallucinating about Hinata being there. “You can sit on my bed if you want”, Kageyama said to fake Hinata. “Thanks Bakayama”, it said. Kageyama smiled, because hallucination Hinata was smiling. “Why did you leave me? I finally found someone who makes me happy, and makes me get all flustered, but then you go and do that? Why would you leave me?”, He asked leaning into the hallucinations face. “I never left. I’m right here Kageyama. I’d never leave you so don’t worry”. Kageyama smiled. He continued conversing with the hallucination, until Sugawara walked in to say the food was done. Sugawara was surprised to see Kageyama looking so happy. 

They sat at Kageyama’s large dinner table. “How many do you want Kageyama”, Daichi asked referring to the number of pork curry buns. “Two, uh Hinata how many do you want”, Kageyama said looking to his left. His Hinata-hal (Hal stands for hallucination) was sitting on the ground holding up the number three, and smiling. Kageyama smiled, but everyone else had a pained and worried look on their face. “Kageyama, H-Hinata isn’t there”, Sugawara said. “Hinata wants three”, is all Kageyama said. He looked at Sugawara in a way so terrifying, Suga could have died right there. “K-Kageyama, Hinata is not there okay?”. Kageyama looked down, and repeated “Hinata wants three”. Everyone was speechless. Not ‘so cool’ speechless but ‘what is wrong with him’ speechless.  

Daichi kindly gave two plates to Kageyama. One plate with two buns, and another with three. Kageyama gave Daichi a warm smile, much to the surprise of everyone. Kageyama sat Hinata-hal’s plate down on the floor. He looked at the table full of judgmental people, and then at the ground with happy Hinata-hal. “I’m eating with Hinata”, Kageyama said getting up from the table and sitting on the floor. Daichi brought an extra chair to the table, and sat it next to Kageyama’s old seat. “Why don’t you and Hinata both sit at the table?”, Daichi said pointing to the two empty chairs side-by-side. Kageyama smiled and looked over to Hinata. “Wanna sit at the table?”, Kageyama asked. Hinata-hal nodded and so Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s plate and put It next to his own. “How are you so good at this”, Sugawara asked Daichi.” My mother used to hallucinate and if you treat the hallucination like a living person, your good. Saying it doesn’t exist just causes a mental breakdown”, Daichi whispered back.  

“So, does Hinata like the food”, Sugawara asked. Kageyama looked at Hinata who was stuffing his face. To the other team members, the food looked untouched. To Kageyama, Hinata was happily eating. Kageyama smiled and laughed a tiny bit. He looked back at Sugawara. “He loves it!”. Cooking wasn’t the only reason the team was here. After Kageyama left the gym with the beige box, they’d all been given letters. Suicide notes if you please. If they wanted to find a clue to why Hinata killed himself, they needed Hinata’s last words. After a hearty conversation between the team, Kageyama, and Hinata-hal, Asahi thought it was safe to ask. “Kageyama, do you remember Hinata’s last words”, Asahi asked, prepared to face the consequences. “The last thing he said to me today was ‘I think ramen is best with Naruto fish cake”, Kageyama answered calmly. “No Kageyama. Before Hinata…died what did he say”, Tsukishima asked, saving Asahi from the hell Kageyama would release any moment.  

“I don’t understand your question. Hinata do you understa- “, Kageyama didn’t finish. He looked at Hinata-hal in fear. Hinata-hal looked pale, with bruises everywhere. His head was leaking blood, and fast. “H-Hinata what’s wrong? Hinata speak to me! Why are you bleeding? What happened? SPEAK TO ME HINATA!”. Oh god, Kageyama lost his absolute shit. Kicking, screaming, pulling his own hair. It took a while for Kageyama to calm down. “HE’S HURT SUGA-SAN! I HAVE TO HELP HIM!”. After getting Kageyama as calm as possible, they made a chart. The chart showed who would be watching Kageyama for each day of the week. They would work in pairs, so no one has to handle him alone. While in the middle of presenting the chart, Kageyama said “Save a toss for me Tobio”. Everyone stopped and stared at Kageyama in confusion. “That’s the last thing he said, ‘Save a toss for me Tobio’. Maybe if I die now I can go where he is and toss to him”. Kageyama said looking at Tsukishima and Asahi. Maybe if I die now I can go where he is and toss to him. “No! Suicide is never the answer Kageyama! You have friends here that love you too much to let you do that!”, Tanaka said. “So you just…didn’t love Hinata? If you guys would stop me from killing myself, but never said any of this to Hinata, does that mean you all wanted him gone anyway?”, Kageyama asked, with tears rolling down his face. “No! We didn’t know Hinata was hurting Kageyama! If we did we could have helped him”, Nishinoya said. “You would have helped him jump. He’s happy being dead and all. If he’s happy than so am I. He’s not hurting. I want to join him. I’m going to join him”. Kageyama said it sternly.  

“Kageyama we aren’t letting your mental health deteriorate like this. We are helping you, also no more painkillers unless I watch you take them. Hinata is not happy being dead”, Sugawara said, like a mother. “He said so himself. He said he was happy!”, Kageyama said standing up. Sugawara got up also. “It was a hallucination!”, Sugawara said, forgetting what Daichi told him earlier about people who see things. “THEN WHY THE HELL IS IT ON VIDEO”, Kageyama shouted, causing everyone to stiffen. “What do you mean it’s on video?”, Everyone asked. He grabbed Daichi and Sugawara’s hands, and pulled them into his room. He pressed play and let them watch. He didn’t stop it the entire time, so they saw everything. “Woah, Kageyama you have to get this to someone, well after you edit some parts out”, Sugawara said gulping. “No it’s mines only. I only showed you so you would believe me”, Kageyama said taking the DVD out, and placing it in a case.  

“Now all of you, get out of my house”, Kageyama said walking back into the living room. The other members couldn’t hear much of the video, in fact they only heard Hinata’s loud moans. “Leave or I’ll kill you”, Kageyama said picking up a knife, and launching It into the group of boys. They all ran out the front door. “Kageyama, please come to school next week”, Sugawara said from behind the door.  


	2. Not Really Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata isn't really gone? Well he is dead, but his ghost still remains. That's what happens when you die unjustified.

Kageyama decided to go back to school, the next Monday. He’d bought painkillers under the table, so his Hinata-hal was back.

When he came back, he had to go to the guidance counselor, who said she would be ‘monitoring’ him to make sure he’s being safe and healthy. He didn’t listen to the counselor, in fact he told her to ‘shut the hell up’ multiple times.

The walls of the school were decorated with suicide prevention posters. He told Hinata-hal how stupid he thought it was, and how he regretted coming. His team mates said Hi to him in the hallway. People from Hinata’s class asked how he was doing, since everyone knew the two did everything together.  

Coach Ukai and Takeda were proud Kageyama came to school. They were concerned however when he kept ‘talking’ to Hinata-hal.

That day at practice, he got lectured when he told Daichi how many pills he’d taken before school. He ended up sitting out most of the time because he kept setting to Hinata-hal. Things weren’t the same, but everything was falling back into a steadier pace. It was the last game of the day. Last set, with a score of 16-17.

They were doing a 3v3 (Kageyama, Daichi, and Asahi vs. Tsukishima, Enoshita, and Nishinoya). Kageyama set the ball to the spot where Hinata should be for the 10th time. The ball was about to fall when _bam_.  

A light shadow in the shape of Hinata smacked the ball to the ground. Everyone stood stunned for a few minutes, except Kageyama. The shadow was still there. It looked like Hinata, well it was shaped like 3D Hinata.

“Did everyone see that or am I still high from yesterday”, Tanaka asked wide-eyed. Hinata-sha (sha for shadow) had walked over to stand behind Kageyama a few minutes ago, and was peeking it’s head out every now and then. “Oh my gosh, what is that”, Sugawara said pointing to Kageyama.

“Don’t say it like I’m a demon or something Suga-san”, It said. Everyone stepped back, trembling with fear. Hinata-sha stepped all the way, still clinging to Kageyama. Hinata-sha had his head down and was rocking on his heels.

Everyone’s eyes watered, because Hinata-sha was wearing the same thing Hinata had when he jumped the bridge. “H-Hinata, is that y-you?”, Sugawara asked, slowly walking toward the shadow.  

Hinata-sha disappeared. “Why did you do that Suga-san! Why’d you look at him like that!?”, Kageyama asked. “Hinata doesn’t like it when people stare, so right now only I can hear and see him".

Sugawara picked up a ball. “Hinata if you’re there, spike this ball towards the net”, Sugawara said, setting the ball. The ball flickered then _bam,_ the ball was spiked to the net. Sugawara fell to his knees, letting crystal tears roll down his cheek.

“Hinata said please stop crying”. Kageyama bent down and let Hinata-sha on his back. The team tried comforting Sugawara, but they themselves were crying.  

“Why did he do this?”, Sugawara said through his cries. “P-please! H-Hinata I can’t take this anymore!”, Daichi said. Everyone else continued sobbing, trying to look strong. Hinata-sha reappeared with a frown on his face.

“S-stop crying like that p-please”, Hinata-sha said clinging onto Kageyama. “Hinata want pork buns?”, Kageyama asked calmly. “Y-yes, but they’re cryin’ kags. I only came t-to get another toss from y-you”.  

 

I'm depressed and sad and i want to die like 24/7 but I  have to live to see the 4th  season of haikyuu so whoops

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating all of my stories with 1-3 chapters next week!


	3. White Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the first time the team realized Hinata was depressed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! 
> 
> I had serious writers block for this fic, and no lie the flashback is legit cropped from a passage in one of my unposted fics called 'White Lines' and I'm not even sure if it really fits the story line since I just typed like 100 words then copy pasted the rest like the bad bitch I am...

The days flew by, everyone too shaken to outright express themselves. Kageyama started to lose the hallucinations, but his sunshine and holy grail stuck with him. That beautiful beam of light that gave him the will the live on, knowing he wasn’t headed for the same safe haven as his counterpart. Of course, Kageyama could never say these things aloud. He wasn’t used to this.

He remembered when they first found out Hinata was depressed. It was a normal practice, Hinata and Kageyama raced. Daichi and Coach Ukai strained every bit of their energy. They played a few 3v3 games. It was normal. Well until the end of practice, when Kageyama saw something odd. Hinata’s wrist. They were usually covered with thin sweatbands, but now they were clearly visible. They weren’t plain. They had thin white lines across them, some overlapping others.

                “Oi, dumbass, what happened to your wrist”, Kageyama said. He didn’t know what they meant or represented. Hinata looked at Kageyama with confusion, but after looking at his wrist, he had a nervous expression. _I forgot to cover my arms!_ Hinata thought to himself. “I-it’s nothing B-Bakayama! See you at practice tomorrow”, Hinata said rushing out of the gym. Kageyama was confused.

                “What was that all about?”, Kageyama said, wondering why Hinata was in such a hurry. He walked over to Daichi and Sugawara, who were putting the net up. “Do you know how people get thin white lines on their wrist?”, Kageyama asked them innocently. Daichi and Sugawara looked concerned. Everyone stopped what they were doing, overhearing Kageyama’s question. “Suicidal”, Tsukishima said shrugging his shoulders. “What do you mean?”, Kageyama asked. “What Tsukishima means is; the person probably doesn’t like their life. They want help but don’t know how to ask”, Daichi said. His expression looked even more concerned than before.  “Is there anyone you know like that Kageyama?”, Sugawara said.

                Sugawara wanted to know who the person was so he could use his comforting skills. Kageyama looked confused and then turned slightly paler. “Th-that makes no sense though”, He said softly. Kageyama’s face looked pained. His mind was going over the information he’d just been given, before he answered Sugawara’s question. “Hinata has them, but he doesn’t sound like that”, Kageyama said staring deep into Sugawara’s eyes.

                Everyone’s face looked stunned, or rather surprised. They didn’t expect Kageyama to say Hinata’s name, as Hinata acted like the very opposite of that. “He ran out the gym when I asked him about it. Usually he wears those colored sweatbands over his wrist, but today he didn’t. He had a lot of white lines on his wrist Sugawara, how do they get there?”, Kageyama asked with a bit more worry. Sugawara, along with the rest of the team, didn’t know what to say. It took him a while, but Sugawara finally got the words out. “They put them there. They cut their wrist Kageyama, and it’s dangerous”, Sugawara said before walking away.

                Kageyama didn’t understand. “B-but Hinata wouldn’t do that! He has a nice life! I mean, he smiles a lot and acts all cheery all the time!”, Kageyama said upset. _Hinata wouldn’t hurt himself on purpose_ , he thought to himself. “Sometimes you can’t tell when a person is hurting. Some people can hide it really well. The better they hide it, the more they’re probably hurting”, Daichi while staring at the ground. Yachi and Shimizu had pained expressions, along with everyone else. It’s not every day you find out someone you are friends with is suicidal. Coach Ukai looked worried too, then spoke.

                “This is a direct order; no one mention any of this to Hinata tomorrow. Daichi, Sugawara and I will handle this!”, He said before leaving. The rest of the team began walking out the gym as well, along with Kageyama.  None of them spoke. They all just thought.

 

-The Next Morning-

                Hinata walked and talked to Kageyama like normal. Kageyama was quiet, but Hinata didn’t think much of it since Kageyama is always like that. Hinata was wearing his sweatbands on his wrist again, and that worried Kageyama. _What if he hurt himself more_ , He thought as Hinata went on about an episode of Veggie-tales he watched the night before.

                Morning practice was canceled, so they went straight to their classes. Sleeping, doodling, and passing notes is what occupied their class time. Lunch finally came around, and Hinata sat with Kageyama like normal. They ate, talked, and argued. Hinata laughed, while Kageyama looked angry. Kageyama then realized that nothing had changed, and Hinata still had white lines.

                Afternoon practice was a hitch, everyone too worried about Hinata to focus on the task at hand, volleyball. “Hinata, do you like your life”, Kageyama asked off-handedly. He knew they weren’t _supposed_ to mention it, but he did it anyway because he wanted answers. Everyone stopped. Daichi and Sugawara looked upset, but everyone else looked nervous. “Of course I do”, Hinata said, too busy enjoying volleyball to notice everyone else’s reaction. Kageyama’s facial changed from normal to angry. He stopped what he was doing, and yanked Hinata’s wrist.

                “B-Bakageyama! What are you- “, Is all Hinata managed to get out. Kageyama took Hinata’s sweatbands off, and shoved Hinata’s own bare wrist into his face. “Then why are these here!”, Kageyama asked furiously. “Kageyama Tobio, that is enough!”, Daichi yelled. Kageyama let go of Hinata’s arm, and walked away mad. “None of your damn business!”, Hinata said picking his sweatbands up from the floor. Hinata’s eyes were watery. Everyone stood still, as Hinata stood back up.

                “You shouldn’t just grab people like that!”, Hinata said wiping his eyes. He ran out of the gym, not stopping to think. After a few seconds of silence, Sugawara spoke. “Kageyama, what the HELL did we agree on!”, He said walking up to Kageyama. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but I couldn’t help myself! I wanted to know for sure!”, Kageyama yelled back. “All you did was make Hinata feel worse than he already does!”, Sugawara said slapping Kageyama. Everyone tensed, knowing nothing good every happens when Sugawara gets this angry. Kageyama stopped, and his eyes began to water. “No time to sulk, because YOU are going to go and apologize to Hinata!”, Sugawara said dragging Kageyama out of the gym.

-2 Hours Later-

                They still couldn’t find Hinata. They’d been to his house, which was completely empty. They went to Coach Ukai’s store, which showed no sign of a certain orange haired decoy. They went to tons of other places, with no luck. Sugawara refused to give up, and it payed off when they went across a bridge an hour away from the school. Hinata was sitting on the ledge, crying. “H-Hinata, are you okay”, Kageyama asked. He’d never seen Hinata like this, and was startled. Hinata looked up, and turned around. Sugawara walked up to Hinata, still gripping Kageyama tightly, and spoke.

“Hinata, I brought Kageyama here to apologize to you”

“What’s the p-point!”, Hinata sniffled, “I g-get it…I’m a freak okay! I’m weird! Abnormal! Stupid! But that _doesn’t_ give you the right to put it out there for everyone!”.

Hinata wiped at his eyes, but to no avail, as many of those salty drops hit the concrete anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be seeing a lot more of Hinata's past to understand how it came to this guys! 
> 
> I'm not sure if anyone is still interested in this garbage but i'll continue to write this if you guys want! 
> 
> Leave KUDOS and a COMMENT, especially if it's a theory, idea, or constructive criticism for this.


	4. There's Something Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This goes to the first time the team figured out that Hinata's wasn't so over that depressive state.
> 
>  
> 
> -This chapter is lowkey shitty because I wrote it at 4:00 a.m. while hungover, sobbing, and after having two panic attacks
> 
> \- It's modeled after how my friends found out I was a little... _different_ when I was still in high school
> 
> \- I hate everything rn like ugh this hangover is no joke stay away from alcohol kids don't @ me on this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be out for a while and I'm genuinely sorry.
> 
> I thought I could keep my personal life away and try to write until I forget my brothers school got fucking shot up. What hurts the most is her _friend_ who's come over to my house tons of times is GONE
> 
> GONE
> 
> ...

Hinata seemed happy. If you asked anyone at that school, they’d say he was the most cheerful person in the history of mankind. The team thought that as well, until Hinata left his notebook in the gym.

It was a normal morning, except Hinata was absent that morning (Hinata had explained to them he had a dentist appointment). They were about to start warm up, when Kageyama noticed Hinata’s notebook. It was green and had veggie-tale stickers on it. “Oi, the dumbass left his notebook”, Kageyama said picking it up.

“OOOH! I wonder if my Kohai has secrets!”

“No! Snooping is wrong”

“Shut up Yamaguchi”

“Yes Tsukki!”

“I agree with Tanaka-san; I wonder If he has secrets”

“Where is Coach Ukai, Shimizu, and Yachi? They’d be helpful in this kind of situation”

“They all had some sort of board meeting with the other coaches and managers”

“Oh, well I think we should open it”

“All in favor of opening Hinata’s notebook, say AYE”

The gym was filled with AYE’s, as they made a decision. “As the captain I’m allowed to open it first”, Daichi said taking the book out of Kageyama’s hand. “I don’t think we should go through his stuff”, Kageyama said. “The king doesn’t want you to expose his boyfriend’s secrets”, a certain snarky blonde commented said with a smirk. Kageyama, with rosy red cheeks and steam coming out of his ear, yelled at Tsukishima and denied it. 

“We’re opening it because Captain Daichi said so”, Daichi said glaring at the two. They both stopped, knowing Daichi would unleash hell on them if they continued. 

Daichi slowly opened the book and his expression changed completely. It went from ‘this might be interesting’ to ‘WTF THIS IS SOME ANGSTY SHIT’. “Oh my god, he can draw. Oh my god his drawings are scary”, Daichi said as he flipped through the book.

The others began to look, in fascination, at the many drawings inside the book. They looked professional. 

Portraits of team mates with weird defectives

Portraits of himself with a half melted face

Drawings of eyes that looked scared or drunk

Drawings of a volleyball court with Kageyama standing alone in the middle with a volleyball, everything looking dark and dreary

The list goes on. He had drawings of Daichi and Sugawara carrying the team on their shoulders, as their legs broke. He had drawings of Kageyama being alone, in fact at least 30% of the drawings were of depressed Kageyama. 

Hinata had drawings of himself, with a cracking mask that made it look he was a demon underneath. Drawings of Hinata on his knees crying while his junior high volleyball team (along with Kageyama) stood strong.

“His drawings are so realistic, and so sad”, Nishinoya said looking at the pictures. 

“Maybe he got someone to draw those for him?”

“The fact remains: it’s sad as fuck”

“STOP SWEARING! And I’m sure maybe Hinata took that book from some emo kid who might be stalking him”

“That actually makes more sense than slightly emo Hinata. But, how do you explain the things only we know? Like Kageyama’s match against him in Junior high, and how we look without shirts?”

“EMO STALKER WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT HINATA AND HIS TEAM MATES DUH! He’d know everything!”

“We’ll just see tomorrow”

The next morning, Hinata was the first in the gym along with Kageyama.

**Hinata’s POV**

I couldn’t wait to get back to practice! Dentist are like Satan, their so evil! I was even more bored in the waiting room, because I didn’t have my notebook. I couldn’t draw my feelings out. Maybe I left it at home? Hopefully, because I’d die if anyone saw my drawings!

**3** ** rd ** **Person POV**

Kageyama didn’t mention the notebook on the walk to school, neither did he mention it while they were practicing before everyone else came in.

Only 10 minutes was left of morning practice, and Daichi thought it was the perfect time to bring up the notebook. “Hey Hinata! Do you by any chance have a green notebook with personified vegetables on it?”, He asked. The team stopped and listened. They wanted to know.

Hinata internally cringed, and his eyebrow twitched. “Y-yes I d-do”, Hinata said avoiding eye contact. The team paused. “Uh-Well here you go”, Daichi said awkwardly handing Hinata the notebook. “Th-Thanks Daichi-san!”, Hinata said bowing nervously. “You really drew all of that Hinata?”, Kageyama asked confused. Hinata almost fainted from embarrassment. “Uh-well-You see- um- WEIRD EMO STALKER DREW IT!”, Hinata said, sweating from the lie he just told. Everyone shrugged it off, although Daichi, Sugawara, and Tsukishima knew it was a lie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To put it simply, fuck second amendment rights and fuck our government. 
> 
> This shit was never okay and to think my brother was _so_ close to being another Instagram tag that people forget in a month pisses me off. Enough with the 'Thoughts and Prayers'. 
> 
> If you think our gun laws are fine and that it's just a 'mental health issue' FUCK OFF!
> 
> Don't read my sob story shit, don't comment your unwanted washed up old ass opinion, just _leave_

**Author's Note:**

> Love? Hate? Tell me! If you want to see certain things, tell me! I accept suggestions.


End file.
